Pagalo’s Death Celebration

Pagalo’s Death Celebration was held on the 12th of August in London. Yoga Christopher writes: "It was amazing! More than 150 people attended. It was a wonderful get-together, a real celebration! Of course there were many sannyasins, but there were also many others who had encountered Pagalo in other areas of his life: colleagues from the London City Airport and from Reuters, where he had worked, snow boarding pals and many more friends. And, of course, members of his and Shanti, his partner’s, family, some of which had travelled from as far afield as Canada and Cyprus.

Pagalo has always been very close to my heart. We met at the Music Festival at Ko Hsuan in 1985, just a few years after both of us, as well as Shanti, had taken sannyas. We soon became soul buddies and, while living near each other in north east London, we held weekly Osho Meditations for ourselves and whoever else wanted to join us."

Pagalo in Knossos (2007) - in a graveyard (circa 1974) - Snowboarding (2008) - In the beloved mountains - Pagalo and Shanti - Pagalo and Shanti in Pune (click on pictures to zoom in)

Shanti’s Eulogy for Pagalo

I'd like to share with you something about this quite unique being with whom I shared my life for the past 23 years.

He taught me how to live and truly love. He was a free, uninhibited and spontaneous spirit, sometimes impulsive and at others deeply profound, who didn't worry about what people thought of him... on the other hand, when we first met, I did. He was natural, with an innocent child-like quality that was very endearing, and at times could also be frustrating.

His laughter and his smile and his wonderful hugs and cuddles gave me so much strength. We had so much fun together. We loved just being alone together, talking, walking, travelling, sitting in silence together.

There were times when we disagreed and got upset with each other... these were times we reflected on as being powerful and growthful for both of us. The thread of the deep love, respect and compassion for each other always enabled us to stick in there and work it through and when it was over we seemed to move into a deeper place together.

He taught me so many things... to stop and smell the flowers and he always had time. Oh yes and his abiding passionate love of aeroplanes.

And now, through this incredibly intense month of his illness, he has taught me how to die.

In the first week he said to me that he felt frightened when I left the hospital at night. He said he needed a really good cry and that when it was all over we would go to Slieve Donnard in Ireland and have a good cry together. After that first week he seemed to begin to loose his fear. His friends, family and colleagues began to gather at his bedside. He was so very present with everyone and so very loving and I think all of you who came were so touched by his energy and way of being during this time.

He was conscious until about 6 hours before he left us.

During these weeks, two threads seemed to weave themselves through him: his zany sense of humour and his profound internal depth of knowing.

For example, two nights before he died he said to me "When you were a nurse did anyone touch your bum?"

"No!"

Then he said, "Stand here and bend over," and he squeezed my bum and added, "now you've had the works and with consent."

Two minutes after that he said, "Death or no death, this is truly the most amazing experience of my life."

I will remember, his sense of the zany. His wildness and his great depth and peace were ever present.

During that same day he also said, "I have never resided in so much peace and joy..." and also, "There is only infinity..."

I think the message he might like for us all to take away is something else he said on that day and that is: "Fear is joy."

My understanding of this - for now - is that whilst ever we feel fear we contract and stop ourselves from flowing with life, once we relax and let go of this, joy flows. I understand that fear is the other side of love and that death is also a part of life. He has taught me how to live and how to die, without fear and in relaxation.

My loss feels agonising and raw. He left peacefully and with such grace and dignity.

It wasn't without reason that Osho gave you the name Deva Pagalo - Divine Madness.

I honour you my darling man, and miss you dreadfully.

Namaste

Shanti

August 2008